melanie liang

To share my little thoughts and experiences in this big world

Month: July, 2014

Summer

IMG_0823

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

 

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

 

 

Pain is temporary

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset
“People think they know you. They think they know how you’re handling a situation. But the truth is no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head—the mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isn’t their fault. They just don’t know. And so they pretend and they say you’re doing great when you’re really not. And this makes everyone feel better. Everybody but you.” – William H.
Maybe sometimes people just say you’re doing great and focus on the surface because they are struggling themselves? Sometimes we just do not have the emotional capacity to worry about someone else’s problems anymore. And I think it’s fine. Everyone has their own pain; Pain is personal, pain is unique. Pain is also inevitable, and I might even say that pain is necessary; because maturity develops from the understanding of pain – what it is and what it does.
But we should never forget that at the end of the day, pain is temporary. Most of the time, the emotional drama within ourselves that don’t seem to fade away are kinda self-inflicted, because we choose to attribute any subsequent bad event to something which happened ages ago. It’s as if we’ve created a generalised explanation for everything that happens/does not happen – e.g. a bad relationship gave you a fear of commitment and from then on it becomes an explanation (or excuse) for every other failed attempt.. how convenient. I just see it as a downward spiral actually…. Kinda like how someone who’s going through a rough time would constantly attribute his/her actions to the fact that he or she is going through a rough time, and then it gets worse.

What I’m saying is that events are factual and can’t be controlled, but interpretations of these events can. Most of the time, there’s really no point receiving advise or seeking comfort from other people because of the fact that we gave ourselves the approval to remain miserable.

Of course it’s unhealthy. Along with any other habit that’s hard to get rid of…

#1 Stop being a victim of your past

To me, being a victim of your past would mean to attribute every bad experience to events that occurred in the past. Yes, I agree that past events (good or bad) had played a part in shaping us to become whoever we are today. But given that we actually got out of those shitty moments and we’re standing here fine, why should we still let those memories hinder us from leading a fulfilling life today? I just think that it is important to differentiate between using past events as life lessons VS using them as convenient ways to avoid our current problems.

#2 No one is building a wall around you except you

Sometimes, there might be bad experiences, choices or just some very horrible people who pop by to dump a whole load of pain and bullshit in your heart, and leave. It happens. But whether or not to use that load of bad memories to build an imaginary wall around ourselves is a choice we can make, right? I think to be more specific, it is the fear that made us build that wall; not the memories, not anyone else. Likewise, sometimes you feel like the world is shutting you out, but it’s just you shutting yourself out.

#3 You get what you think you deserve

Sometimes we beat ourselves up for no reason and we think that we’re just messed up. And most likely, we end up with people who we think we deserve because we turn away those who seem “too good” for us. But one day I hope we shall realise that making unwise choices doesn’t necessarily make us messed up. I hope that once we stop focusing on ourselves and our own pain, we can open our eyes to see that there are way more complex and messed up issues in the world than our internal turmoils. To be honest, we all have our unique balance of flaws and strengths, so no one can ever be “too good” for anyone, right?

Let’s not hinder ourselves from the happiness that we are entitled to.

Neighbourhood

 

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

 

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

 

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

 

Circle of Life

So today, I paid a visit with my parents to a home for the severely disabled because they got acquainted with one of the patients there two years ago while my grandma was hospitalised.

Her name is Han. She was adopted by TTSH when she was 12, being severely disabled with no parents. My parents have visited many times, but today was my first. Walking around the home I just couldn’t help but to think about things. I know I don’t have the rights to feel sad or sorry for anyone because I can never understand how it’s like, and I most certainly feel horrible for inevitably staring into their rooms at this unusual sight. But, yeah I just thought about the whole concept of ageing.

You know how people talk about the Circle of Life? You’re born into this world so helpless, reliant on your family with all the feeding and the diapers and the tantrums. Then, you grow up. You become a kid, then a teenager, then an adult, which is when you are capable of giving back and taking care of someone else just like how you were taken care of. And then finally, you grow old, and really really old, back to where you started: helpless, reliant on your family with all the feeding and the diapers and the tantrums. (My grandma wasn’t like that actually. But of course she’s the most incredible woman in the world and yes i’m biased) That’s what they mean by the Circle of Life is it? If it isn’t then, it’s just my definition I guess. And I totally got this notion in my head by watching the french film Amour. This is what I understand about the circle of life.

One thing I do not understand though, is that when people have newborn babies they are so eager to take care of the child, attend to the child’s every need, and watch the child grow… In a sense, a baby symbolises hope, and a new beginning. When it comes to the elderly, however, why is it that the idea of taking care of the elderly seems more burdensome than hopeful? Is it attributed to a gloomy concept of death? Idk. Is it because we see our children as investments whereas we see the elderly as obligations? Maybe. Can the elderly really be seen as assets and gems in our society? Rather, are we willing to slow down for a while to see these assets and gems in our society? No idea. Highly doubt so. (And on a side note, what made me feel really uneasy today was our lunch at the hawker centre. Why? Because to be honest the sight of old people bending down and clearing up our mess just makes me really upset. I know it’s the reality. I know they have to earn a living. We all see this and we know this but most of the time I guess we just eat and leave and care less because we do not want to feel sorry for a reality that we cannot change.)

Actually I think I don’t even have the rights to say all these because I don’t know shit about such things. I wasn’t the one bearing the financial responsibilities of taking care of my sick grandmother, and I wasn’t the one changing her diapers either. Even so, today I just couldn’t help but to entertain these questions in my head. When people are too sick to walk and too sick to talk, what do they actually think of? When they open their eyes and see the sympathetic faces of healthy people staring down at their frail bodies, what are they thinking? And in the future when I’m old, will I too have the common desire to leave the face of the earth as soon as I can to avoid being a burden to others? I don’t want to ever think this way because it’s sad and I think that no one should ever feel this way about themselves. But who knows, I might. Maybe when I’m really old I might realise that I’ve done whatever I wanted to do in my life and there’s really nothing more I need to fight for anymore, hence I just go about my daily life and await my death.

Why am I even thinking about all these. This is the effect that movies have on me. Oh well.